B’sha’ah Tovah: All in Good Time (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

Patience

I’m over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today talking about patience.

“But on the other hand, there was life to be lived during that time. And shutting down or tuning out meant that we’d miss out on precious time in our lives, as individuals, as a couple, and as parents.”

You can check out the full post here.

Finding Presence of Mind During PAL (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

Presence

I’m over at Pregnancy After Loss Support talking about the importance of staying present:

“From the start, I was convinced that all will be OK with this pregnancy and the baby, and I know I need to trust my gut. Yet trusting my gut—and my body—during PAL is hard when both have let me down so many times in the past.”

You can check out the full post here.

The Pregnancy After Pregnancy Loss (PAL Support)

PregnancyAfterPregnancyLoss

We’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today talking about the pregnancy after pregnancy loss:

“Pregnancy after loss is nothing new to me. After all, this is my seventh pregnancy. But this is my first pregnancy after a successful pregnancy after loss. So I find myself in new territory that I’m not sure I know how to handle.”

You can check out the full post here.

Another New Chapter

LifeIsWhatHappens

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” One of my favorite song lyrics from John Lennon’s Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) that has become a reoccurring theme in my life. And one I’ve learned to mostly embrace rather than fight.

This theme rang true once again in early February when we discovered I was pregnant. After all, we thought we were done. It has been a total surprise to everyone, especially to Double A and me. And while I decided early on that I didn’t have the energy to hide this pregnancy physically, I’ve also avoided talking about it, and writing about it.  I thought that the pregnancy after pregnancy after loss would be easier, and yet here I am.

On some levels, this feels like an extravagance of riches after everything we’ve gone through. We have two smart, beautiful, funny boys at home. And the 7x loss mama in me feels guilty. But really where it comes from is the fear of not knowing what’s ahead. Perhaps if I don’t talk about it much, keep my head down and keep moving forward, all will be OK.

That said, I know there’s no guarantee, and there is no control in life, let alone in pregnancy. On most days I realize that my worrying about this pregnancy won’t do me any good. So on most days, I just am. But on those days where I need an extra peace of mind, I don’t hesitate to call the doctor and go in for an extra scan or a listen on the Doppler. These are the days where I feel a bit like a crazy lady, but history has given me that permission. And I also know that our former therapist is a call away.

I both loathed and embraced the extreme nausea I experienced for the first 15 weeks as a sign that things were moving in the right direction. I was shocked, thrilled and a bit nervous to find out we’re having another boy. And now, as I’m just past the 19w mark, I savor every random kick or punch and wait not so patiently for the feeling of full movement to set in.

My milestones come daily, as looking out 21 more weeks is just too much. I’m replicating the care I had with J, taking the same precautions with weekly progesterone shots and cervix measurements. Small steps for a big outcome. And so we hope.

The Chosen Ones: Getting The Call (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

C_Birthday

We’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today talking about the day we got the call that C’s birthparents had chosen us:

“We were deeply invested in the situation, and at the same time, completely separated. We didn’t have doctor appointments to go to. We didn’t get to see ultrasound scans and pictures. I didn’t get to feel the baby moving. We relied on conversations and hope.”

You can check out the full post here.

The Gender Connection: Why We Chose to Find Out (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

connectionI’m over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today:

“For us, finding out became a way that we could connect with our babies in a way we hadn’t been able to before. They were always real, but at least now we had this knowledge which took it a step further.”

You can check out the full post here.