The Chosen Ones: Getting The Call (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

C_Birthday

We’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today talking about the day we got the call that C’s birthparents had chosen us:

“We were deeply invested in the situation, and at the same time, completely separated. We didn’t have doctor appointments to go to. We didn’t get to see ultrasound scans and pictures. I didn’t get to feel the baby moving. We relied on conversations and hope.”

You can check out the full post here.

The Gender Connection: Why We Chose to Find Out (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

connectionI’m over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today:

“For us, finding out became a way that we could connect with our babies in a way we hadn’t been able to before. They were always real, but at least now we had this knowledge which took it a step further.”

You can check out the full post here.

 

What Makes a Family? Pregnancy After Loss Support

Brothers

I’m over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today talking about the notion of families.

“Do they really think that we, as parents, make a distinction like this with our children? There are plenty of things that differentiate my boys, but who is more part of our family isn’t one of them.”

You can check out the full post here.

Holding onto Hope: The Cubs, World Series and Pregnancy After Loss

cubswin

I’m over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today talking about the importance of holding onto hope.

“Chicago Cubs baseball is in my blood, and it has always been the one thing I have been blindly optimistic about. That is, until we started trying for a family.”

You can check out the post here.

To the Person I’ve Become after Baby Loss

experience

“I can’t believe it’s been…”

Double A and I say this often as each anniversary nears. Today, that year is four. Four years since we said hello and goodbye to our Sarah and Benjamin. And even as time continues to pass by, it stands still. In the days surrounding the anniversary, emotions are all over the board. The events of October 8 and 9, 2012 replay like a horror movie marathon I can’t turn off. From the first unknown pains of labor to being wheeled from the hospital, forever leaving our babies behind. From the funeral and the days that followed, I can feel, hear and smell each moment. It’s a part of my story now, and even though it is a painful part, I keep it close, as it is a way of staying connected to their story. It’s part of how I stay connected to them.

I think back to the me that I was in the days leading up to then, and I feel sorry for her. I have this tremendous sadness for the woman I was then, because she has no clue what’s about to happen. And while our previous five losses had obviously made me familiar with intense grief and sadness, the enormity of losing the twins changed me forever.

That said, I look to the woman I am today—in spite of, and because of our experiences—and I’m incredibly proud and grateful for who I have become. I am a mother, a wife, and a friend. I am determined, resilient and strong. I speak the words some cannot, and say things others don’t want to hear. I’m an advocate and a survivor.

My story didn’t end that day.

 

The Joy and Wonder of Parenting after Pregnancy Loss

©Will CarryOn

I’m over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today asking the question, How did we get here? 

“It’s a simple question that’s loaded with emotion. There have been several moments like this over the past three years. Some big, and some fleeting. Most are messy and others Rockwell-esque. But each one has been impactful.”

You can check out the post here.