The Courage to Reach Out, the Courage to Give Back (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

“I hope you don’t mind, but I shared your story and your blog with a friend of mine. She and her husband just lost their baby (are looking to adopt. are pregnant again after loss). I want to help, but I don’t know what to do. Can I give them your contact info?”

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We’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today:

“While I understand what they’re going through, I can only do so from the lens of my experience. Of course there are plenty of similarities, but everyone experiences loss differently. Each of us process grief in our own ways.”

Check out the full post here.

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Please Bring My Baby Back to Me (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

Bring My Baby Back

We’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support:

“You don’t understand, it took a long time for us to get to our family. Please take extra good care of him. Please bring him back to us.”

See the full post here.

 

The Other PAL: Patience. Assistance. Love & Learning. (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

Self-CareI’m at Pregnancy After Loss Support today with my latest post based off of a Tilt Parenting podcast featuring life coach, Kanesha Baynard.

“…is there actually a way to enjoy pregnancy after loss? What if we could redefine the PAL experience to at least set us up for emotional success?”

Check out the full post here.

Playing the Cards You’re Dealt after Pregnancy Loss (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

PlayLikeHell

We’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today:

“At some point, if we’re lucky, we accept that we can’t change what has happened. We realize, however, that we can change how we look at what’s happening right now.”

Check out the full post here.

How Sweet It Is: Rediscovering Halloween after Loss (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

We’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today:

First Halloween

“It was one of those experiences that we had dreamed of, and after a while, wondered if it would ever happen. We walked the city blocks that evening as a part of the excitement, not as outsiders looking in. Over time, and as our family has grown, we still acknowledge these moments. Events that many take for granted, we still experience in disbelief and gratitude.”

Check out the full post here.

Perfectly Imperfect, but Not Complete

Sarah and Benjamin

It’s amazing how time can pass and stand still at the same time. Today is six years since we said hello and goodbye to our Sarah Hana and Benjamin Samuel in the same breath. Six years that feels like an eternity, and at the same time, yesterday.

Much has happened in this time, and the optimist in me likes to think that our lives have only gone up from the rock bottom of those dark days. After all, we surprisingly—and most gratefully—welcomed three beautiful boys to our family. It is also what has reshaped who I am, what I believe and why I persevere.

Loss is a truth I live with every day. Most days it is hidden from the outside world, and appears as a passing memory, wonder or feeling. Other days, it is a pit in the stomach, oversized blanket squeezing in on me, ugly cries in the ongoing fluctuation that is grief. Regardless of the type of day I’m having, one thing remains. I try live each day with the purpose to honor Sarah, Benjamin, Baby Krueger, the four we never met, and make them proud. And I try to take in the joy I see in C, J, and E. Some days I’m graceful, and most others, I’m a controlled (or out of control) train wreck. Come on, even though I am so grateful to have what I have, I’m still human.

A stranger on the street may look at our family as perfect. But I know that’s not possible. Perfection isn’t real, and if it is, it can’t last. Perhaps we’re perfectly imperfect, but not complete, as there will always be family missing.

Over time, I’m learning that honor looks different on a daily basis. Grief and love too. Each day forward is a step away from the past, and as much as I’d like to forget it, I’m also hanging on with all my might. If I let go, who will say their names and share their story?