Mother’s Day was eight days after C was born. “Happy 1st Mother’s Day!” family and friends gushed. “Thank you,” I said. “But it’s not my first Mother’s Day. It’s the first Mother’s Day that I have something to be happy about, too.”
Now, it’s a bittersweet day that I celebrate with my boys, and ache for my children who aren’t here. Today more than others, as it is the anniversary of my first miscarriage eight years ago.
Mother’s Day, and the time leading up to it, is a difficult day for many, including us loss Moms. While everyday is a reminder of what we lost, Mother’s Day puts it front and center. And it’s further complicated when there are additional children, whether born prior, or after our losses. To many in the the outside world, these children replace those we lost, or take away the pain we’ve gone through. To many, because we never parented the children we lost, we don’t “count” as Mothers.
We are all Mothers, regardless of whether we got to parent our children. We love. We dream. We grieve. To all of the loss Moms out there, we stand with you, and we honor you, today and everyday. Be extra gentle with yourselves today, and do what you need to help you through the day.
And to all of those of you who have a family member or friend who lost their child(ren), please recognize them today as the loving, caring and grieving Mothers they are.