When the Leave Ends (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

We’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today.

“On my last day of leave, I sobbed…we’re talking big ugly cries throughout the day, as though I’d never see Little E again. I was going back more exhausted then when I had left, and uncertain of how it was going to come together.”

Check out the full post here.

Advertisements

Circle of Life

Big E and Little E

It’s been just over two months since our youngest son, Little E arrived. He came into this world proudly showing off the strength of his lungs, with a voice that clearly had much to say. Little E’s arrival, two weeks earlier than expected, came at a time where joy was greatly needed in my family. You see, my 94-year old grandmother had just passed away a week earlier, and he arrived on what was to be the last day of her shiva. Talk about the circle of life.

Since the moment he was born, I’ve stared at him in disbelief. After all that Double A and I️ have been through, to be so lucky as to have three healthy, beautiful boys at home, who are so full of life, is everything and then some. Bringing home C was such a gift that turned a light back on in us that we thought was gone forever. J’s arrival was a bonus. And Little E is the icing on the cake we already thought was so sweet.

Somehow, I️ was less anxious this time around. While I️ wouldn’t let my guard down until he was actually here safely, I️ did find myself more present.

Experiencing this pregnancy, a bonus in and of itself, had me in awe with each ultrasound picture, hiccup, kick and turn. I️ knew this was truly the last time I️ was going to be able to experience these precious moments, and I️ wanted–no, I️ needed–to take it all in and store it with my core memories. There were so many years that I️ couldn’t get to this point, and now that I️ was given another opportunity, I️ certainly wasn’t going take it for granted. This is not lost on me now that he’s here and I️ take in the last of the firsts with much joy and excitement, combined with a little bit of sadness.

As we navigate life with three boys, things are pretty crazy, seem surreal, and take much longer than they used to. (Perhaps that’s the reason why it has taken me so long to write about Little E’s arrival!) And amidst the chaos, I️ often find that I️ step back to take in each of our boys, and realize what a journey this has been so far, just how grateful I️ am.

Little E’s Hebrew name is after his sister Baby Krueger, my Grandma Helen, and Papa Harold. One who didn’t get to experience life and two who experienced 190 years between them. It is our hope that the life we create for him, and what he makes of it, is filled with much joy, laughter and adventure, and one that carries on the legacy of his namesakes.

The Chosen Ones: Getting The Call (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

C_Birthday

We’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today talking about the day we got the call that C’s birthparents had chosen us:

“We were deeply invested in the situation, and at the same time, completely separated. We didn’t have doctor appointments to go to. We didn’t get to see ultrasound scans and pictures. I didn’t get to feel the baby moving. We relied on conversations and hope.”

You can check out the full post here.

What Makes a Family? Pregnancy After Loss Support

Brothers

I’m over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today talking about the notion of families.

“Do they really think that we, as parents, make a distinction like this with our children? There are plenty of things that differentiate my boys, but who is more part of our family isn’t one of them.”

You can check out the full post here.

Holding onto Hope: The Cubs, World Series and Pregnancy After Loss

cubswin

I’m over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today talking about the importance of holding onto hope.

“Chicago Cubs baseball is in my blood, and it has always been the one thing I have been blindly optimistic about. That is, until we started trying for a family.”

You can check out the post here.

The Emotions of the Positive Pregnancy Test After Loss: Pregnancy After Loss Support

EmotionofPregnancyTest

(Rest assured, I’m not pregnant.) We’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today, talking the lingering emotions attached to pregnancy tests.

Those two lines represent such an evolution of myself, and of Aaron and I as a couple. It’s a reminder of where we’ve been, and where we are. And of the struggles and triumphs along the way.”

You can check out the post here.

Finding Perspective: The Adoption Home Study (Pregnancy After Loss Support)

DifficultRoadsWe’re over at Pregnancy After Loss Support today, talking about the unforeseen benefits and advantages of completing an adoption home study.

Anyone can have a baby, and we have to fill out fire escape forms.”

You can check out the post here.