Holidays are a B*tch, Huh?

I wish I could take credit for that title, but I have to give that to my friend and fellow babyloss Mom, S. She actually said it about Thanksgiving, saying it’s hard enough to make it through a regular day sometimes, let alone when you’re supposed to be with family and giving thanks. But I think it sums up the whole holiday season perfectly, doesn’t it?

Double A and I decided not to acknowledge the holidays this year. We didn’t attend any of our family’s Hanukkah gatherings. We didn’t even light one menorah candle at home. Not one of the many that reside in our collection. We passed on the tradition this year to focus on what we needed—to not think about the holidays and not focus on the fact that our children are not here with us. Hanukkah has now come and gone. Life continues moving.

But the thing is, most of the rest of the world around us are acknowledging the holidays. They’re celebrating and spreading good cheer. And they should. It’s just that that cheer rings boastful to us right now. Every holiday card we’ve received from family and friends has gone immediately into the recycling bin, unopened. It’s the same reason I’ve stopped going on It isn’t that we expect the world to stop and for everyone to be miserable with us. Rather it’s the fact that we don’t want their happy lives, with their happy families and happy stories rubbed in our faces. These are daily reminders of what we don’t have and what’s been taken from us time and time again. They represent what we want more than anything, yet can’t seem to get.

We realize that our friends and family probably didn’t think twice about sending us their yearly update. We’re on their list, so they had to cross us off. We know they likely had no clue that this seemingly normal yearly act would prove to be so hurtful to us. But that’s just it. So often in our situation, we’ve come to realize that people just don’t take a moment to really think about what they’re doing before they actually do it. On the flip side, we realize that some may have thought that we would have been hurt to not be included. Once again, there are no easy answers.

My intent in saying all of this isn’t to hurt any feelings. I’m glad there are people celebrating. I’m happy that there are good things happening in this world, especially in light of recent events. I only want the best to happen. It’s just that we’re tired of always being the ones on the reading and listening end. It’s time for us to finally experience the joy and happiness we’ve been teased with so often.


4 thoughts on “Holidays are a B*tch, Huh?

  1. I could have wrote this post too. I’m with you in the boat of wanting something good to happen. I’m tired of feeling like the outsider looking in. And living the life that people look at and say “whoa, that’s terrible, glad its not me”.

  2. I thought I could open the Christmas cards this year… first one sent me into a fit of tears. There I was, staring at some friends who looked truly happy. I will never have a truly happy picture again when one of my kids is forever missing from the photo. I smile for the camera now (probably couldn’t even do that a year ago) but my eyes look dead. My husband I think was a little embarrassed that I didn’t send holiday cards for the second year in a row but I told him, “I’m sorry I don’t want to say Merry *&%()#*_@ Christmas!” Can you imagine if I sent a card that said that? 😉 Thanks for the shout out E; the holidays are a bitch indeed.

  3. I keep writing and deleting, writing and deleting. Their is nothing good or comforting to say about all that has happened to you and A. It all just sucks….so badly. Thinking of you both often and hoping you catch a break soon.

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